Texas Woman Gift Wraps Fake Marriage, Lands in Real Trouble

BEVERLY HILLS, Texas — A Texas woman may have just redefined “commitment issues” after allegedly forging a wedding — complete with a pastor, paperwork, and a Bath & Body Works gift set — all without the groom.

According to Beverly Hills police (yes, Texas, not California), a 42-year-old man came home Friday to find a mysterious package on his porch. Inside was a lovely spa-themed gift and, surprise! A photo of his ex-girlfriend, 36-year-old Kristin Marie Spearman, holding what appeared to be a very real marriage certificate… from a wedding he most definitely did not attend.

As he dug through the scented layers of lavender and lies, the man found a copy of the certificate filed with the McLennan County Clerk’s Office — officially declaring him a newlywed, without the messy part where he says “I do.”

Police say the former couple had planned to get married and even snagged a marriage license on June 2. But following an argument, the man called off the wedding — apparently forgetting to warn Spearman that mutual participation is generally required in a ceremony.

Undeterred, Spearman allegedly convinced a pastor to sign off on the nuptials anyway. Authorities say she then strolled into the county clerk’s office and filed the fraudulent certificate like she’d just come back from a honeymoon.

Spearman was arrested and charged with third-degree stalking. As for the mystery pastor, police are keeping their lips sealed — possibly fearing a flood of “can you marry me to Chris Evans without him knowing?” requests.

No word yet on whether the man kept the lotion.